Friday, April 12

The something sweet, the language of looooove

On VERY heavy rotation lately. All of em! It may be a little eclectic for some (Rilo Kiley and Tom Waits on the same playlist yeahhhh yeah), but it makes a ton of sense in my head. I'm especially fond of the Kurt Vile tracks; it's like the two of us were joined at the brain and heart for one single moment in time, and when we separated we were left with the same idea of what great music should sound like. 

01. Marathon (Tennis)
02. Sea Of Love (Cat Power)
03. I've Been Let Down (Mazzy Star)
04. Silver Lining (Rilo Kiley)
05. Silver Soul (Beach House)
06. Ballad Of The Golden Hour (Widowspeak)
07. Shine A Light (The Rolling Stones)
08. My Best Friends (Kurt Vile)
09. Ends Of The Earth (Lord Huron)
10. Don't Worry Baby (The Beach Boys)
11. In My Dreams (Crosby, Stills & Nash)
12. Gun Street Girl (Tom Waits)
13. Left Behind (Grace Potter & The Nocturnals)
14. The Ghost On The Shore (Lord Huron)
15. Classic Rock In Spring/Freeway In Mind (Kurt Vile)

Listen and subscribe here. I'm really relieved that the latest big Spotify update allows everyone to select who they follow! There was some serious clutter that needed to be taken care of in that feed.

Last week I took this test as a joke (the name alone is enough to make me gag), but it has surprisingly explained a bunch of shit about me that I haven't been able to sort through on my own. I scored extremely high on Words Of Affirmation (11), and extremely low on Acts Of Service (1). The rankings are representative of the kind of love we need/are most comfortable giving. Do you have aaaaany idea how accurate that is?! This awful self-help quiz with the terrible name is fucking spot on, you guys, lol.

I don't like people doing things for me. I don't like it at all. I live for the phrase "If you want something done right, do it yourself." I'm particular and controlling about my life, but I've earned the right to be because I do everything on my own. Other people's efforts to help me just end up feeling intrusive and annoying even though I know they have good intentions. The only way to truly earn my trust and respect is by paying attention to what I say/how I do things and replicating it when I DO need to count on someone. There have only been 6 people that have ever been able to do that (Morales, I'm lookin at you!).

Basically my results can be summed up with this: Communicate with me efficiently and effectively...and then leave me be.

It's why I'm awful when people try to teach me things (don't want advice, don't want people watching me, would rather learn it on my own at my own pace), it's why I'm a bitch when people question things that I do, and most importantly, it's why I get so frustrated and upset when I don't feel that I'm being listened to or understood.

I always thought that it was weird that I pay more attention to people's words than their actions. I never understood "actions speak louder than words" because it is not true for me. If I have an idea to express, I don't act it out, I put it in words. I pay very little attention to the way that I act. It's probably why I've remembered practically ALL of the criticism I've ever been given, and have made careful note to not do those things again (as batshit crazy as that is) - because even if the person that said it wasn't being all that serious...they got my attention. The ONLY way I learn from a mistake is if someone says something that makes me feel embarrassed. Otherwise, it's lather, rinse, repeat.

A couple years ago I made a list of the men that I've loved in hopes of discovering what my "type" was, because it seemed like no one that I had ever loved had anything in common. The 3 big ones only had one similarity on my list: "He just had a way of saying things."

I can love someone for many reasons, but it seems as though the only thing that can make me stay is incredible communication.

I had all of the above thoughts in about a 2 minute span after taking that quiz, and thought to myself, "well.........alright." Haha. THAT explains why my relationship failed. THAT explains why the men I love are all entirely different. THAT explains why I will happily ignore someone's poor actions if they paint a nice picture with their words. The moooore yooouuu knoooooow!

And on a final, totally unrelated note, the mehndi on my hand from the wedding is making me look diseased. Fading/flaky henna is not a good look.

Self discovery, you guys...


EDIT - WAIT....I downloaded the Tamagotchi app for my iPhone on Wednesday and it made me think of how I had 3 of them when I was little; I had a kitty GigaPet, a Tamagotchi, and a Nano Baby. The GigaPet was the first one I got, but I COULD NOT keep it alive. So I just Googled...and found that the entire internet had this same problem in 1997. Some genius girl put a youtube video up and kept hers alive for like 100 days and explained how to keep it healthy, and it blew my mind. AND HER PROFILE PIC IS DANA SCULLY. Apparently there are like thousands of me on the internet. We all have the same interests.

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  1. Quality Time (10)
    Words of Affirmation (6)
    Physical Touching (6)
    Receiving Gifts (4)
    Acts of Service (4)

    I think I must have misread a few of them if touching scored that high.

    1. ooo quality time was my second highest! hahahahaha this quiz thinks you like being touched.

  2. I get the whole actions speak louder than words thing. In my last relationship I realized that I had an issue with the fact that he would just tell me he loved me but never did anything about it. I wanted him to SHOW me how much he loved me by doing nice things or putting aside time for me etc. I think that's what broke us - he just didn't give a shit but kept telling me he loved me. keep posting these things that bring out all these feelings!

    1. BV wanted me to SHOW him how much I loved him even though that's not really how I'm wired to give out love. I seem to be very similar to your ex in a lot of ways hahahaha.

      It's all just a big mess anyway. Even though I'm not good at SHOWING my love (even when I feel it), if that's what the other person needs from me, I should be willing to try a little bit harder for them. But that also means that the other person needs to recognize that me not showing love the way THEY do doesn't just mean I'm "not giving a shit." But, especially with this verbal kind of love, it's a very fine line. How does anyone really know if this is just someone's particular kind of love and they really mean it, or if they're NOT this kind of person and they're just half-assing it? It's weird (and troubling) that the kind of love I crave and feel most comfortable giving to other people is the kind that can be most easily mistaken for not caring. It's sad, because when I care, I care deeply.

      Strange to think about that, because it makes me see how a lot of OTHER people must see me, even if my intentions are totally pure and my heart is totally full of love.


      Sorry to give you the feels on your birthday! hahaha

    2. Please don't think that I'm comparing you to my awful ex-boyfriend. He didn't love me, or at least that wasn't enough to keep him from dropping off the face of the earth, ignoring my calls, texts and fb messages. I broke up with him because he stopped talking to me. He literally disappeared from my life. So no, you're not like him.

      And I'm always emotional on my birthday. I always build it up to be some fantastic day in my head and it just never lives up. My birthday is like New Year's Eve...never as good as it's supposed to be.

  3. This is my favorite playlist so far. Grace Potter, Mazzy Star, Rilo Kiley, Beach House and Cat Power all together. Holy shit!

    1. Awww I'm so glad you like it! That Mazzy Star track is so beautiful.

  4. Nice blog! ;))


    1. thank you for stopping by my darling!

  5. Oh man, you rocked that tie-dye shirt!

    1. "rocked it" is such a sweet thing to say about the horror of it all, HAHAHA

  6. I can't download any of those. I had all of them back in the day and I got so fed up with my gigapet that I literally chucked it across the room. I'd be afraid I'd do the same with my phone.

    1. I got SO MAD at the gigapet because I tried so hard to care for it and it never helped. That video is the only thing that has ever worked!! in any case, the tamagotchi is doing really well and has turned into a duck creature haha

  7. You haz the best taste in music. Listening to your playlist now. This is the best, most random collection of greatness.

    1. listen to it, girrrrrl. i hope you enjoyed!!

  8. I hear you about the doing things for yourself. Sometimes I like to get help with difficult projects, but for the most part I work pretty independently. Plus, doing it yourself is the only way you know it'll be done right!

    Also, kudos on posting your 6th grade pic. I put up my middle school pictures on Facebook last year because I can finally look back and laugh at myself... those days weren't great for anyone.

    1. Seriously it took me a LONG time to be OK with that picture! I'm not sure why I was always so insecure about it. Now I think it's hilarious, but for a long time I was not laughing haha. 6th grade wasn't my finest year. But is it anyone's? Nahhhh

  9. I just can't get enough of that photo. It probably makes me love you 98678689x mas than before, if possible. I almost want to share my 7th grade photo with you (it is equally - maybe more - embarrassingly fantastic).

    further, I had no idea there was Tamagotchi app. DOWNLOADING.

    In case you didn't know, there are apparently apps for cats to play games on your phone. Lucy doesn't have the attention span, but I got JitterBug for her. Maybe Bella will appreciate it.

  10. I remember when Tamagotchis were SUPER popular and you just couldn't get them anywhere so my mother bought me a Nano Baby. That wasn't a good look for a 10 year old boy, but oddly, give a fuck I did not. #Fatheroftheyear

    Also, YAY for Sea of Love and Gun Street Girl!

  11. Just found your blog and I really love it! Any girl who adds Rilo Kiley to a playlist is a girl after my own heart.