Monday, May 14

je souhaite

Last night, after a Jurassic Park/Belated Cinco de Mayo party that I'll get to later, BV and I came back to my apartment with pizza subs and put the TV on for some background noise. I found an episode of the X-Files and even though I didn't pay much attention to it (the sub was really good, you guys), I found myself in bed today, watching a full season.

Jr. High Hanna LOVED the show. She had the calendars, the desk diary, the multiple VHS tapes full of recorded interviews and news bits, the walls covered in photos, and hilariously enough she did NOT have basic cable, so any episodes she obsessed over were a season behind. Saturday night at 7pm on NBC was a seriously important hour in the Scott household haha.

When I watch it now I still enjoy it, but I understand it a lot better. I enjoy the conspiracies a lot more. And I have a pretty decent sized girlcrush on Gillian Anderson.

(found here)

The relationship between Mulder and Scully was the first one I ever cheered for, the first one that ever made me think, "I want that sort of love," which is funny because they were never even really together. Excuse my very nerdy statement but my boyfriend is a lot like Fox Mulder. I forget about it a lot, but every time I see an episode it makes me laugh because there are so many things I notice that I could picture him thinking or doing.

Do we all unknowingly do that? Is this me finding BV, the beautiful human that he is, and recognizing that the attraction I have to him is based on the same things that my nerdy little 12 year old self was attracted to? What's extra funny is that even though they have similarities, I wouldn't say that those qualities are what attracts me to anyone at all. I still don't even know WHAT attracts me to people, I only know what doesn't.

One night when we were deciding on a bar to go to, my friend Ian told me, "you need to focus more on what you DO want instead of just telling everyone what you DON'T want." I know that's how I explain things to people, but I can't help it - knowing what I don't like is how I learn more about myself, and when I only focus on what I do like, I feel limited. Saying "here's a set of 5 things I hate" implies that I hate those 5 things but am then presented with a plethora of things that I DO like, whereas saying "I like this" makes me feel like people will sum me up and then predict other things that I like, and whenever people try to do that they seem to fail miserably. No one can predict what I'll like, because no one really knows why I like what I like. I don't even fucking know it! Sorry guys.

Wait, I know why I do this. It's because when I like something, I enjoy it but could easily be taken out of it. But...when I don't like something, I Really. Truly. Loathe. It. And can't get away fast enough. THAT'S what makes me stubborn: I refuse to put myself in a situation I won't like, and by making my dislikes known I have less chance of dealing with something I don't want to deal with.

Or maybe it's just because it's mysterious. If I don't like Object X, then what do I like?

None of ya damn business :D

Aaanyway. I'm going to stop talking about myself and show you these photos from a QUALITY Saturday night.

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