I feel blah lately. I think it's just a case of the Octobers - I always feel down in the fall. It used to happen because summer would end and I'd be going back to school (and for Buffalo it usually meant the first snow), but even here in LA with no school/blizzards to be tortured with, the feeling is still there. There's a lot of stuff happening in my life that I can't discuss out of respect for others (learned that lesson the hard way! woooooooo), even though I know so many of you beautiful people would have valuable advice and ideas. I'm just a bit weighed down with other people's thangs.
I still find myself editing what I write because of the awful people at my first full-time job. I couldn't say anything that was less than happy - and I STILL find myself thinking that they're going to read this and think, "Hanna is pouting," so I purposely put a positive spin on my life, even when I'm not really feeling it. I can't freaking believe I still do that without thinking. What's even funnier is that I do almost always feel happy and enthusiastic about life! But when I don't, writing about it is something that I'm allowed to do. There are so many things that people do in this world that are detrimental to others or just totally fucking stupid. Writing, tactfully of course, is neither of those. Me expressing a negative feeling in a healthy way like writing is nowhere near as detrimental as me being obligated to surpress every emotion that isn't positive. Honesty about emotion is rare. I intend to speak honestly here in my own little space. If I can't do that, what's the point of writing at all? Silly me for spinning my own life. It doesn't align with my personal brand lol.
Please promise me that you'll always be honest with yourselves, my loves. And I mean really fucking honest. It's critical to your own well-being no matter how scary it is. Your life will be so much richer because of it. At the end of my life, I'm going to be proud of myself for always wearing my heart on my sleeve, even when people don't like it. Even when I don't like it! My life is the only thing I've got and I want to feel everything - even the sad stuff.
Brady and I are flying to NY tonight to see my cousin Audrey get MARRIED this weekend! The last time I saw her was at my Grandma's funeral, so it will be MOST wonderful to hug her under much happier circumstances. She told me wayyy back in 2008 that it was the Real Deal and I believed her; I could just see it in her eyes. I'm excited to be in NYC again too! There is nothing like New York City in the fall :) Or in the winter. Or in the summer. Or in the spring...
Anyway, photos! Photos, Hanna.
View all the pics here, and go like Pope Saint Victor on Facebook!
New Designers.MX playlist comin' atcha in the next post :)
Whoa, you have no idea how much I needed to read this.
ReplyDeleteFeelings are good because they're honest and deserve to be felt.
They sure do! Even if they're bad feelings, they're still yours and there's a reason why you're feeling them.
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