Thursday, March 22

Ladies, Ladies.

“You’ve got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores.” - Tina Fey in Mean Girls

I don't know what it is, or where it came from, or if it's always been there and I just haven't noticed or WHAT.

The majority of the girls from my hometown, and even here in LA, seem to be going through this girl-bashing phase. Even now --  when we're in our mid-20s with careers and engagements and babies on the way and huge hopes for the future and an entire world FULL of inspiration and motivation to do amazing things -- this is what girls choose to talk about.

Think about it this way. You are an adult, and you live in a time period where everyone broadcasts their thoughts. This creates an opportunity for you to display yourself exactly how you want to be seen, to say things that you want people to hear. You are quite literally creating your own image...and this is what you choose to say to the world? You have the opportunity to say anything in the entire world for hundreds or thousands of people to see, and your sentence of choice is, "You want to play games with me? Watch me play them better, sweetie" or, "Why do girls dress like such whores?"

It's not even just the girls my age! I see women in their 40s doing this. I have a family member that has more "girl drama" than her teenage daughter. How incredibly embarrassing.

I think the most frustrating part is that any and all "drama" (I dislike that word so much, I can't even believe I'm using it in a blog) is usually caused by the person complaining of it. When you're easygoing and kind to other people, you don't experience these sorts of problems. Ever.

I find myself caught up in conversations about other people sometimes, but it's not so much girl-bashing as it is confusion about why people do the things that they do. This entire post consists of confusion about why people do what they do. Have you seen that quotation that says, "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people"? I suppose by writing this post I'm being small-minded and guilty of the exact thing that I'm confused about, so let me rephrase:

Here's an idea: We spend so much time talking about other people, and usually those negative opinions stem from some insecurity that we have about ourselves. If we spend that time focusing on knowing/loving ourselves and trying to see the beauty in the world, we will be far less available to spread hatred. There is so much hatred and judgement in this world already, and so many of the girls I see hating on others are coincidentally also the ones posting links about stopping racist attacks or stopping anti-gay protestors. It's not OK for other people (and you're right, it's not OK)'s fine for you to do on a smaller scale? Does that really make sense?

This is not a new idea. This is not a new problem. No one ever does a goddamn thing about it. No one feels like changing it or changing themselves, so it will keep getting worse.

Maybe I need someone to explain to me what they feel like they're accomplishing by saying this stuff.

And if you ever catch me doing this, tell me to shut the fuck up. I do not want to be that person.


  1. Do you ever watch Jenna Marble videos on YouTube? She has one where she talks about why girls hate other girls. It's pretty honest and truthful.

  2. Here it is:

  3. I have in fact seen that, and I'm glad you posted it. She's right when she says it stems from competition and this constant need to be the best of everything, but I also think it has a TON to do with the current state of American culture... doesn't everyone just seem so fucking offended, all the time? I'm not saying that it's not justified when it's serious, but there's a fine line between pointing out a problem and just bitching about everything. Gotta choose your battles wisely, and it appears that most of us have stopped doing that!

    1. I think those two concepts can be interrelated. "The American Dream" puts pressure on everyone to out-do the rest and rise above. To do that you must put others belong you to climb higher - it's all a competition. And wish the economy as it is, I can see more women being jealous of the seemingly unscathed lives of other.

      "Well isn't she little Miss Perfect with her picket white fence, bitch."

      Plus the internet, as you pointed out, allows us to sound off about just about anything! I try to stay away from even reading Celebrity gossip anymore because it just creates a culture of snarkiness.

    2. Mainstream media is probably the most at fault. I can't wrap my head around that kinda stuff anymore either, magazines/shows/blogs devoted entirely to rumors about celebrities. Who..............the fuck............cares?

      It's like an entire species caught up in the most unimportant things and getting sucked into their own black hole because of it, lol

  4. This post could not have been more ON TIME. Reality TV is basically what the post is too. It's such a big part in the media that more women and girls are starting to do it. But it is NOT cute. This is post pretty much read my entire mind.

    Girl bashing and calling other girls sluts and bitches and stuff. I feel this way also about black people using the "N" word and thinking it's cool I hate it. It's stupid. Ugh . lol

  5. I don't think I've ever really been caught up in much drama, espeically, social media drama! But my young niece is always in it on facebook, and I think how is it even worth it? It just all seems exhausting to me.

  6. I don't have many girl friends because the ones I did have were terrible to each other. There was always so much competition, backstabbing, gossip, and scandal. I hung out with guys and drank beer and watched football. Thankfully, now that I'm a little older, I've been able to find some mature ladies that are focused on building strong friendships, not tearing them down to build themselves up.

  7. Ever notice how girls with things like, "Keep your drama away from me" on their Facebook profiles ARE EXACTLY THE GIRLS WHO ARE POSTING THEIR DRAMA ON THEIR FACEBOOK PROFILES?

    You're absolutely right-- there is a female tendency to show this kind of cruel hypocrisy toward one another, and who exactly is benefiting from it? Why do some people feel the need to put others down rather than boosting themselves up? My little sister (she's 10) was bragging the other day about beating the other team in lacrosse, and she said how much they "sucked." I told her, "Why don't you say your team played really well instead of saying the other team sucked?"

    It's amazing how you can change your attitude and other people's perceptions of you if you use positive language. Great post.

  8. Thanks everyone!! Good to know we're all on the same page :) I like having non-crazy friends/readers!!

  9. I didn't really read the other comments- so I'm sorry if I'm repeating. But it just boils down to jealousy and insecurity.

    ALL women of any age are catty. I've found that out the hard way- older women of all ages are just as bad if not worse, than girls in high school, etc.

    It's terrible, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't fall prey to that mentality every now and then- just hating on girls I don't know based on snap judgments. Though I will say it's not often- like that helps.

  10. Love Tina Fey and yes I totally agree with you!

  11. Yep. In complete agreement with you on this. It's part of the reason I keep my 'girl' friends to the minimum. I got sick of all the drama and all the stupidity of it.