Well, quiet for Los Angeles anyway. I surprise myself by how well I can block out background noise after living here for a few years. I could put on music or the TV, but silence seems so refreshing right now. It's like being really hot and thirsty and feeling the first sip of water go allllll the way down into your stomach.
"If both of you know the same stuff, one of you is unnecessary"
That is something that Tom Waits said in an interview (it's a really good interview, but I suspect they're all good when the interviewee is Tom Waits) back in 2006, and I've noticed a new vein of truth running through it recently. I've never had trouble accepting other people's lifestyles because they're none of my business, but when these lovely people try to share their love and interests with me, I become a bit quick to judge if it's not something I like as well. I've been working on that.
It's annoying to hear, "I'm working on that" because it sounds like I'm half-assing it; it's not something I can work on, I either do it or I don't. Please let me clarify: I'm working on noticing as soon as I'm a little too quick to judge so that I'll be that much more aware for the next time. I've mentioned it before, but I'm always more judgmental and hard on the people I'm closest to. I'm so relaxed around this very small group that I don't feel like I have to proofread my thoughts before I speak because conversation is so easy, and that's when I sometimes say things that are judgemental. Some people embrace it and some don't, but if I love these people (and I do I do I doooo!) I should be willing to make an effort to not be hurtful.
After the past week of such scary sadness in the news, I find myself wishing that I could pick everyone up out of their arguments and their hate, give each one of them the biggest hug that I can muster, and then set them all down in a big circle so we can drink some hot tea and look at the stars and regain some perspective on how truly tiny we are in relation to the universe. I just don't think the world can handle any more hate from the human race, and the only way I can fix that is to soothe any burning hatred that I find in myself. The only humans we have any control over are the ones whose bodies we are breathing and walking in each day. There is no point in trying to control anyone else. There is no point in trying to control anyone else!
It's why I can't involve myself in any discussion about gun control, abortion, gay marriage, immigration, religion, etc etc etc etttccccc. I have absolutely no right to tell anyone else what to do with their life, and the same goes for them. Any strong opinions that I have are biases that I've developed purely through personal observation and experience and should never be used to back up an argument with someone else on how to live. We cannot keep assuming what's best for ourselves is also best for everyone else. It's scarily obtuse and selfish to do so and it's sad to watch the country that I live in get so caught up in these things because they've got no idea how to step back.
Doesn't it seem like America is at that exact point in a lovers' quarrel where so many hurtful things have been said/done that everyone is off-balance so they just go totally apeshit out of sheer frustration? We've got no idea how to fix the messes we've made, but we keep digging deeper.
I finished a huge freelance project last night - the project that is going to pay for my trip to Thailand and Bali later this year. Thursday night I left work knowing that I should work on it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it - instead I put David Crosby's 'If I Could Only Remember My Name' album on my record player and had a couple hilarious conversations with BV and Cindy. I went to bed feeling so content and lighthearted that I woke up totally ready to tackle the rest of the project, and so I did. It looks so good you guys; I can't wait to share it! I don't think I've ever felt so proud of a freelance project. And let me tell you.....waking up to a client email that says, "I think I just cried tears of joy" is THE BEST feeling a web designer can possibly have!
I'm also trying to sketch at least 3 or 4 times a week. I'm always in the mood to draw, so I might as well make use of it. I put most of them on Instagram, but they're sprinkled throughout this post just to break up my very wordy thoughts.
I love each and every one of you. Have I said that lately? It's the truth.
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