Sunday, April 21

The truth, and also it's really quiet here right now

Well, quiet for Los Angeles anyway. I surprise myself by how well I can block out background noise after living here for a few years. I could put on music or the TV, but silence seems so refreshing right now. It's like being really hot and thirsty and feeling the first sip of water go allllll the way down into your stomach.



"If both of you know the same stuff, one of you is unnecessary"

That is something that Tom Waits said in an interview (it's a really good interview, but I suspect they're all good when the interviewee is Tom Waits) back in 2006, and I've noticed a new vein of truth running through it recently. I've never had trouble accepting other people's lifestyles because they're none of my business, but when these lovely people try to share their love and interests with me, I become a bit quick to judge if it's not something I like as well. I've been working on that.

It's annoying to hear, "I'm working on that" because it sounds like I'm half-assing it; it's not something I can work on, I either do it or I don't. Please let me clarify: I'm working on noticing as soon as I'm a little too quick to judge so that I'll be that much more aware for the next time. I've mentioned it before, but I'm always more judgmental and hard on the people I'm closest to. I'm so relaxed around this very small group that I don't feel like I have to proofread my thoughts before I speak because conversation is so easy, and that's when I sometimes say things that are judgemental. Some people embrace it and some don't, but if I love these people (and I do I do I doooo!) I should be willing to make an effort to not be hurtful.



After the past week of such scary sadness in the news, I find myself wishing that I could pick everyone up out of their arguments and their hate, give each one of them the biggest hug that I can muster, and then set them all down in a big circle so we can drink some hot tea and look at the stars and regain some perspective on how truly tiny we are in relation to the universe. I just don't think the world can handle any more hate from the human race, and the only way I can fix that is to soothe any burning hatred that I find in myself. The only humans we have any control over are the ones whose bodies we are breathing and walking in each day. There is no point in trying to control anyone else. There is no point in trying to control anyone else! 

It's why I can't involve myself in any discussion about gun control, abortion, gay marriage, immigration, religion, etc etc etc etttccccc. I have absolutely no right to tell anyone else what to do with their life, and the same goes for them. Any strong opinions that I have are biases that I've developed purely through personal observation and experience and should never be used to back up an argument with someone else on how to live. We cannot keep assuming what's best for ourselves is also best for everyone else. It's scarily obtuse and selfish to do so and it's sad to watch the country that I live in get so caught up in these things because they've got no idea how to step back.

Doesn't it seem like America is at that exact point in a lovers' quarrel where so many hurtful things have been said/done that everyone is off-balance so they just go totally apeshit out of sheer frustration? We've got no idea how to fix the messes we've made, but we keep digging deeper.

Enough.

I finished a huge freelance project last night - the project that is going to pay for my trip to Thailand and Bali later this year. Thursday night I left work knowing that I should work on it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it - instead I put David Crosby's 'If I Could Only Remember My Name' album on my record player and had a couple hilarious conversations with BV and Cindy. I went to bed feeling so content and lighthearted that I woke up totally ready to tackle the rest of the project, and so I did. It looks so good you guys; I can't wait to share it! I don't think I've ever felt so proud of a freelance project. And let me tell you.....waking up to a client email that says, "I think I just cried tears of joy" is THE BEST feeling a web designer can possibly have!



I'm also trying to sketch at least 3 or 4 times a week. I'm always in the mood to draw, so I might as well make use of it. I put most of them on Instagram, but they're sprinkled throughout this post just to break up my very wordy thoughts.

I love each and every one of you. Have I said that lately? It's the truth.

--

If you like what you see, consider following me on Twitter and Instagram or liking Excelsior Lady on Facebook!

14 comments:

  1. Hi Hanna! It has taken me far too long to start following your blog, but I finally did just that today, and I love it. I just read your past few posts, and I really enjoy your writing and thoughts. I'm a friend of Cassie's from [Witty Title Here] and a fellow blogger and Angeleno, so YAY for all of that! Anyway, keep up the good work, and I'm looking forward to being a regular reader. =]

    P.S. It really is SO quiet here right now. I live on Fairfax, and the hushed stillness is a little weird but also super welcome. Maybe half the city should leave to go to Coachella more often...

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    1. I'm next to Wilshire in West LA and it was sooo...quiet. I could hear the breeze. That never happens!

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  2. While I certainly am open to discussing social issues with people, you're right that none of us have the right to tell anyone else what to do with their life, but at the same time engaging in open dialogue is how societies evolve. However, I totally agree with your statement "We cannot keep assuming what's best for ourselves is also best for everyone else.", which I think is the problem with a lot of discussion happening right now: it's less about finding solutions that work for everyone, and more about pushing specific ideologies.

    But that's just my opinion :)

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    1. I 100% agree that open dialogue is how societies evolve. If we could stick to intelligent, open-minded dialogue and selfless, rational thinking behind our reasoning, we would make huge steps in the right direction...but I don't think the majority of our society works that way when we feel challenged and it makes it frustrating to get involved at all.

      I'm not as informed on specific issues as I wish I was, but I find it so hard to change that because when I try to read or research or listen to mainstream media I just feel like things have been inserted or left out to fit the mold of an "idea" that's being projected at me. It's a bummer when I don't know where to turn to get real FACTS, ya know?

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  3. Hey, I stumbled upon your blog from a comment you left on Existation.

    Anyway, I am in a similar boat to you about how what's right for me may not be what's right for other people -- and how making the world a better place comes from learning to love myself better... and if everyone did that, well then, we'd be a lot better off.

    While I have a stance on some of those things you mentioned, I think the biggest stance I'll always take is people's right to choice... and personal freedom. Again, this is always debatable in the details and stuff, but at the end of the day, I just want people to be themselves -- and I want to be able to express myself as well.

    Great blog, great sketches.

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    1. You are so right, I want everyone to be able to be themselves without having to feel like they're under scrutiny for it. Learning to love ourselves is the first step in that, because the happier we are, the less we feel like we have to nitpick others for their choices and lifestyles. I definitely have a stance on some of the above issues too, but I'm right there with you when you say that the biggest stance is personal freedom. Thank you so much for stopping by, I'm happy to have you here! xoxo

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  4. "I just don't think the world can handle any more hate from the human race, and the only way I can fix that is to soothe any burning hatred that I find in myself. The only humans we have any control over are the ones whose bodies we are breathing and walking in each day."

    Incredibly true and lovely words you write here, Hanna. If only more people recognized that.

    And I love that Tom Waits quote. That resonates with me... like a lot. Once upon a time, it wouldn't have made any sense to me, but I'm at a place in life where I really understand what he's getting at. I've gotta stop trying to force others into my mindset. That's just so narrow and damn-near impossible. And wouldn't it be boring? The people I've learned most from are the people who really have very little in common with, so I'm gonna keep this little nugget of wisdom handy when I forget that.

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    1. It's SO rare for a quote to resonate with me, but that one really works for me too. It's so simple, it's one of those things that makes me think, "oh.....well duh. why haven't i been looking at it like that all along? that makes everything clear in my head."

      Thank the lawd for Tom Waits and his batshit crazy ideas and his freight train voice and his beautiful words.

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  5. Everyone in America needs couples' therapy. Except instead of couples' therapy, it's like we need citizens' therapy: guidance on how to just not be a jerk.

    Totally know how it feels to be most hurtful to the people you most love. Comfort can be dangerous.

    I WANT TO SEE YOUR FREELANCE PROJECT. What a tease. Do share.

    P.S. Love you mas.

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    1. I'm gonna post a link as soon as they give me content to put in! it's all filler text and it's not live yet :D

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  6. "There is no point in trying to control anyone else!

    It's why I can't involve myself in any discussion about gun control, abortion, gay marriage, immigration, religion, etc etc etc etttccccc. I have absolutely no right to tell anyone else what to do with their life, and the same goes for them."

    It all boils down to fear. Fear makes people doubtful and unsure and that makes them want to reach out and control something, anything. And that's when it all turns into shit. I try to avoid those subjects with everyone in my immediate family because it would just be a complete mess, and it's because they do have that fear and they feel they need that control to bring back some sense into their lives. It's completely misguided, unproductive, insane, I could go on.

    I like how you said the only way you could "fix that is to soothe any burning hatred that I find in myself." I'm right there with you.

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    1. I'm really glad that I'm not alone in that; a lot of times keeping my mouth shut makes people think I'm uninformed or indifferent and it's not true at all. I just think there's so much of a stupid power struggle between everyone in this country that I'd feel like I was sinking down to their level if I joined in too. There's just no point. And it's sad because I am a very opinionated person haha!

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  7. Beautifully written! There's so much food for thought here that I may actually have to write a post of my own instead of hijacking your entire comments section to get out everything that comes to mind reading this!

    Also, I can be a total Judgey Judgerson myself, and it's good to have a reminder to cut it out when I'm being unfair or judging someone based on a lack of information.

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  8. I always talk about controversial things. :)

    I hate it when others are mistreated or made to feel like they're somehow a lower level of human. I also know that it's important for me to my voice my opinions. People listen to what I say (and I try to listen to others too - so that I can learn from them). Whenever a topic about homosexuals or something else comes up, I make it clear that I think those couples should have equal rights before the law. At first, I was afraid to share my opinion because I thought people might dislike me or think weird things about me because of it, but I felt that it was right and it was also what I strongly believed so I wrote about it and shared it with my teachers, parents, and everyone else.

    If I were wrong, I wanted to be corrected. It's hard for people to correct me and help me grow, if I don't tell them what I'm thinking and explain myself properly.

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