The butter wash, the Salvation Mountain, the bananas

In the past month I've found things that make it all better. I'm not talking about making bad situations better (though that's true), I'm talking about life. Things that make my life feel like it is really worth something. Do you understand how huge that is? Coming from someone who never doubted it, but always questioned the timing and placement of events...I feel so...sublimely understood.

Leonard Knight constructed and painted this mountain in the desert as a tribute to his faith. I am not a religious person, but I think the dedication to what he loved is breathtaking. If you love something so much that it steers your entire life in a positive direction, what's wrong with that? Not a damn thing.

There aren't many people that I look up to creatively. There's one high school teacher, one actress, one artist, and a few musicians. That's it. I don't relate to people, I only seem to relate to ideas. Which is fine - I think it's healthy to be that way, actually - but I sometimes feel like I'm flailing because I don't know where I'm going. I have no frame of reference.

I'm just overthinking. I know that if I just relax and go wherever my life takes me, things work out really well. It's only when I become...aware haha... that things start to spiral out of control. Not a bad problem to have, right?

I wonder where I would be had I placed my focus on art from the beginning instead of music. Probably right here. I'm supposed to be right here. I just would have walked here instead of flying :)

I have a lot to say (finally!) butttt I'm going to shut up and post these pictures instead. We went to Salvation Mountain and wandered around in 100 degree heat and then stumbled upon the International Museum of Bananas on our way back home, lol. There are also pictures from Salton Sea, but those will be in a future post because I'm gonna do something special with them! BEHOLD:

A surreal weekend as a whole. Sunday Cindy and I went to the Egyptian Theatre to see that X-Files event that I talked about in my last post. I sat...in the same room...as Chris Carter...and watched 2 episodes on a big screen. The girl in front of me had Mulder & Scully barbie dolls. I felt very at home.

You should also go look at Cindy's post about all this, because she captured a lot of things that I did not!

WHAT'S NEXT, LIFE?

Photo Locations: Salvation Mountain (Niland, CA), International Banana Museum (Mecca, CA) 

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The door is always open

Once in a while I can feel a person's energy when I walk into a room. I feel them and I learn about them with considerable ease through split-second flashes that my brain gives me - pictures of the way they live or the way I might experience life with them. Blue and white stripes, a breeze on a balcony overlooking red and brown rooftops, pajama pants, a drink in my right hand, and music playing while he works. The feeling is so real that sometimes I question whether there are two separate halves of me: one half venturing off to experience that moment while the other sits calmly, waiting for the report.

I'm in the strangest state of mind. I fall in love so deeply and so effortlessly and so fleetingly. I'm in love with 2 or 3 people at a time because I can't help it. I fall in love with places, times, words. I feel everything at once and then it's gone. Infatuation looks good on me.

I have trouble looking at love as an everlasting state of union although I suppose it's everlasting in that I still feel warmth and gratitude from it after it's gone. It's not that I don't believe in being with someone forever, but I tend to see love as a set of individual moments in time where I experience pure bliss. These moments are selfless and sweet, and they're all I think about.

(the photos above are from arrestedmotion.com)

I left Gary Baseman's show at the Skirball last night feeling so thankful and inspired that today I actually feel lightweight, like a block of worry has been released from my head. In order to translate the intense love that I sometimes feel, I absolutely must let go of anything holding me back. I will be thankful to Baseman forever for helping me see that.

If people don't like what I do, I won't let myself give them another thought. I've made a promise to myself to finally communicate all the love that I have to give, and it's honestly the most important thing I've ever done. If I've gotten this far in my life with all my worries and judgement, I cannot wait to see where I go now that I'm free from it.

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The Malaga Cove, the Old Fashioned, the low-key weekend

I did not black out this weekend. I did not stay out until 5am this weekend. I did not do anything scandalous this weekend. I didn't even drink moonshine. I'm sure my body needed the rest and the relaxation, but I'm going to Vegas next weekend and will undoubtedly make up for any craziness that did not happen in the past 48 hours. There will be ziplining and a neon sign graveyard involved, so I'm sure I'll come back with a shit ton of photos. I don't even care if I drink/gamble, I just wanna explore.

THIS CAMERA WAS THE BEST 700 DOLLARS I'VE EVER SPENT. I am so in love. It has been permanently attached to my hands since I took it out of the box. I'm really happy to have a friend that also has a great camera that is willing to just roam around and take pictures of shit with me. I'm still learning, but I'm getting a lot better!

Saturday we headed to Malaga Cove in Palos Verdes and went on a massive photo adventure in the most sublime sunlight. Malaga Cove is a different world. I can't properly explain it. I went to Palos Verdes for the first time in 2009 and fell in love with it, especially the little peninsula that juts out into the ocean that you'll see below, and Paseo Del Mar which is the road that runs alongside it, but now I'm starting to appreciate the little town just as much if not more. The whole place is quiet and lush and there are stray peacocks walking around.

Highlights:

Cindy and I wandered to Townhouse in Venice Beach on Friday night, and as we were sitting at the bar (they played Cecilia by Simon and Garfunkel and I was reminded of why I liked going to Townhouse...it wasn't even that crowded, hallelujah), a man approached us and asked us if we thought it was possible to go out without the expectation of meeting anyone. We told him he was asking the wrong girls. I don't think I've ever gone out with the hope of meeting someone of the opposite sex. It made me feel a little sad for the rest of the population; all around the world, there are people that are only going out because they're lonely and want desperately to meet someone new to save them from their own boring lives. How is anyone supposed to want you when you're so discontent with yourself?! Cindy and I were quite happy just to grab seats at the bar and enjoy the music all by ourselves, which is how it should be. Plus, the bartender made a mean Old Fashioned.

Oh life :)

Photo Locations: Malaga Cove library & Paseo Del Mar, Palos Verdes Estates, CA

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