The butter wash, the Salvation Mountain, the bananas

In the past month I've found things that make it all better. I'm not talking about making bad situations better (though that's true), I'm talking about life. Things that make my life feel like it is really worth something. Do you understand how huge that is? Coming from someone who never doubted it, but always questioned the timing and placement of events...I feel so...sublimely understood.

Leonard Knight constructed and painted this mountain in the desert as a tribute to his faith. I am not a religious person, but I think the dedication to what he loved is breathtaking. If you love something so much that it steers your entire life in a positive direction, what's wrong with that? Not a damn thing.

There aren't many people that I look up to creatively. There's one high school teacher, one actress, one artist, and a few musicians. That's it. I don't relate to people, I only seem to relate to ideas. Which is fine - I think it's healthy to be that way, actually - but I sometimes feel like I'm flailing because I don't know where I'm going. I have no frame of reference.

I'm just overthinking. I know that if I just relax and go wherever my life takes me, things work out really well. It's only when I become...aware haha... that things start to spiral out of control. Not a bad problem to have, right?

I wonder where I would be had I placed my focus on art from the beginning instead of music. Probably right here. I'm supposed to be right here. I just would have walked here instead of flying :)

I have a lot to say (finally!) butttt I'm going to shut up and post these pictures instead. We went to Salvation Mountain and wandered around in 100 degree heat and then stumbled upon the International Museum of Bananas on our way back home, lol. There are also pictures from Salton Sea, but those will be in a future post because I'm gonna do something special with them! BEHOLD:

A surreal weekend as a whole. Sunday Cindy and I went to the Egyptian Theatre to see that X-Files event that I talked about in my last post. I sat...in the same room...as Chris Carter...and watched 2 episodes on a big screen. The girl in front of me had Mulder & Scully barbie dolls. I felt very at home.

You should also go look at Cindy's post about all this, because she captured a lot of things that I did not!

WHAT'S NEXT, LIFE?

Photo Locations: Salvation Mountain (Niland, CA), International Banana Museum (Mecca, CA) 

--

If you like what you see, consider following me on Twitter and Instagram or liking Excelsior Lady on Facebook!

The door is always open

Once in a while I can feel a person's energy when I walk into a room. I feel them and I learn about them with considerable ease through split-second flashes that my brain gives me - pictures of the way they live or the way I might experience life with them. Blue and white stripes, a breeze on a balcony overlooking red and brown rooftops, pajama pants, a drink in my right hand, and music playing while he works. The feeling is so real that sometimes I question whether there are two separate halves of me: one half venturing off to experience that moment while the other sits calmly, waiting for the report.

I'm in the strangest state of mind. I fall in love so deeply and so effortlessly and so fleetingly. I'm in love with 2 or 3 people at a time because I can't help it. I fall in love with places, times, words. I feel everything at once and then it's gone. Infatuation looks good on me.

I have trouble looking at love as an everlasting state of union although I suppose it's everlasting in that I still feel warmth and gratitude from it after it's gone. It's not that I don't believe in being with someone forever, but I tend to see love as a set of individual moments in time where I experience pure bliss. These moments are selfless and sweet, and they're all I think about.

(the photos above are from arrestedmotion.com)

I left Gary Baseman's show at the Skirball last night feeling so thankful and inspired that today I actually feel lightweight, like a block of worry has been released from my head. In order to translate the intense love that I sometimes feel, I absolutely must let go of anything holding me back. I will be thankful to Baseman forever for helping me see that.

If people don't like what I do, I won't let myself give them another thought. I've made a promise to myself to finally communicate all the love that I have to give, and it's honestly the most important thing I've ever done. If I've gotten this far in my life with all my worries and judgement, I cannot wait to see where I go now that I'm free from it.

--

If you like what you see, consider following me on Twitter and Instagram or liking Excelsior Lady on Facebook!

The truth, and also it's really quiet here right now

Well, quiet for Los Angeles anyway. I surprise myself by how well I can block out background noise after living here for a few years. I could put on music or the TV, but silence seems so refreshing right now. It's like being really hot and thirsty and feeling the first sip of water go allllll the way down into your stomach.

"If both of you know the same stuff, one of you is unnecessary"

That is something that Tom Waits said in an interview (it's a really good interview, but I suspect they're all good when the interviewee is Tom Waits) back in 2006, and I've noticed a new vein of truth running through it recently. I've never had trouble accepting other people's lifestyles because they're none of my business, but when these lovely people try to share their love and interests with me, I become a bit quick to judge if it's not something I like as well. I've been working on that.

It's annoying to hear, "I'm working on that" because it sounds like I'm half-assing it; it's not something I can work on, I either do it or I don't. Please let me clarify: I'm working on noticing as soon as I'm a little too quick to judge so that I'll be that much more aware for the next time. I've mentioned it before, but I'm always more judgmental and hard on the people I'm closest to. I'm so relaxed around this very small group that I don't feel like I have to proofread my thoughts before I speak because conversation is so easy, and that's when I sometimes say things that are judgemental. Some people embrace it and some don't, but if I love these people (and I do I do I doooo!) I should be willing to make an effort to not be hurtful.

After the past week of such scary sadness in the news, I find myself wishing that I could pick everyone up out of their arguments and their hate, give each one of them the biggest hug that I can muster, and then set them all down in a big circle so we can drink some hot tea and look at the stars and regain some perspective on how truly tiny we are in relation to the universe. I just don't think the world can handle any more hate from the human race, and the only way I can fix that is to soothe any burning hatred that I find in myself. The only humans we have any control over are the ones whose bodies we are breathing and walking in each day. There is no point in trying to control anyone else. There is no point in trying to control anyone else! 

It's why I can't involve myself in any discussion about gun control, abortion, gay marriage, immigration, religion, etc etc etc etttccccc. I have absolutely no right to tell anyone else what to do with their life, and the same goes for them. Any strong opinions that I have are biases that I've developed purely through personal observation and experience and should never be used to back up an argument with someone else on how to live. We cannot keep assuming what's best for ourselves is also best for everyone else. It's scarily obtuse and selfish to do so and it's sad to watch the country that I live in get so caught up in these things because they've got no idea how to step back.

Doesn't it seem like America is at that exact point in a lovers' quarrel where so many hurtful things have been said/done that everyone is off-balance so they just go totally apeshit out of sheer frustration? We've got no idea how to fix the messes we've made, but we keep digging deeper.

Enough.

I finished a huge freelance project last night - the project that is going to pay for my trip to Thailand and Bali later this year. Thursday night I left work knowing that I should work on it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it - instead I put David Crosby's 'If I Could Only Remember My Name' album on my record player and had a couple hilarious conversations with BV and Cindy. I went to bed feeling so content and lighthearted that I woke up totally ready to tackle the rest of the project, and so I did. It looks so good you guys; I can't wait to share it! I don't think I've ever felt so proud of a freelance project. And let me tell you.....waking up to a client email that says, "I think I just cried tears of joy" is THE BEST feeling a web designer can possibly have!

I'm also trying to sketch at least 3 or 4 times a week. I'm always in the mood to draw, so I might as well make use of it. I put most of them on Instagram, but they're sprinkled throughout this post just to break up my very wordy thoughts.

I love each and every one of you. Have I said that lately? It's the truth.

--

If you like what you see, consider following me on Twitter and Instagram or liking Excelsior Lady on Facebook!

The wallpaper (sein und zeit), the theory, the Baseman

I've been meaning to start doing this for a while but keep forgetting. Downloads! Desktop and iPhone!

"Sein Und Zeit" means "Being and Time." It's the title of a book by Martin Heidegger, who was a German philosopher. You can get the general idea of it here. It's aaalllllssssssooo the title of an X-Files episode (you know me...). Enjoy! Share and use as you like, just please link back to this post if you do.

Download Sein Und Zeit: Desktop or iPhone.

Saturday morning I met Kim at a cafe and we talked about Boy Meets World and Tamagotchis and small town upbringings and how things tend to fall into place when we're doing something we're meant to do, because other people are subconsciously drawn to authentic passion and excitement. And we drank Bloody Marys. A successful breakfast "meeting" if you ask me, especially since we had never met in person before (we started to talk through Instagram)! I left feeling inspired and ready to create something great, both for myself and for freelance clients.

my "theory"

I know I've written before about my theory that things fall into place when we trust our intuition and only do what feels right, but I feel the need to reiterate because so many new opportunities have come my way in the past couple months.

Just...never forget that if you put heart and excitement into something, it will come back to you. It's been proven to me again and again and again. It took a while for me to fall into a groove of something I truly love doing, but now that I'm there I'll never look back. I never thought I would have a career that lets me look at color palettes and fonts during day and draw things that people want to buy at night. It's all so exciting, even after doing it for a long time :)

I can't stop listening to the new Justin Timberlake album. Do you have any idea how rare it is for me to love not just a pop song, but an entire album? Reeeeeal rare, that's how rare. Also I don't know why it took him so long to get rid of that curly hair but he is about 100,000x more bangable than he ever was before.

Have you ever heard of Gary Baseman? He's an artist here in LA that I adore, and he's having a party at the Skirball (near the Getty) to kick off his exhibition there that runs through August. Here are some of my favorites:

(1, 2, 3)

Needless to say I'm REALLY excited for this show.

--

If you like what you see, consider following me on Twitter and Instagram or liking Excelsior Lady on Facebook!