The truth, and also it's really quiet here right now

Well, quiet for Los Angeles anyway. I surprise myself by how well I can block out background noise after living here for a few years. I could put on music or the TV, but silence seems so refreshing right now. It's like being really hot and thirsty and feeling the first sip of water go allllll the way down into your stomach.

"If both of you know the same stuff, one of you is unnecessary"

That is something that Tom Waits said in an interview (it's a really good interview, but I suspect they're all good when the interviewee is Tom Waits) back in 2006, and I've noticed a new vein of truth running through it recently. I've never had trouble accepting other people's lifestyles because they're none of my business, but when these lovely people try to share their love and interests with me, I become a bit quick to judge if it's not something I like as well. I've been working on that.

It's annoying to hear, "I'm working on that" because it sounds like I'm half-assing it; it's not something I can work on, I either do it or I don't. Please let me clarify: I'm working on noticing as soon as I'm a little too quick to judge so that I'll be that much more aware for the next time. I've mentioned it before, but I'm always more judgmental and hard on the people I'm closest to. I'm so relaxed around this very small group that I don't feel like I have to proofread my thoughts before I speak because conversation is so easy, and that's when I sometimes say things that are judgemental. Some people embrace it and some don't, but if I love these people (and I do I do I doooo!) I should be willing to make an effort to not be hurtful.

After the past week of such scary sadness in the news, I find myself wishing that I could pick everyone up out of their arguments and their hate, give each one of them the biggest hug that I can muster, and then set them all down in a big circle so we can drink some hot tea and look at the stars and regain some perspective on how truly tiny we are in relation to the universe. I just don't think the world can handle any more hate from the human race, and the only way I can fix that is to soothe any burning hatred that I find in myself. The only humans we have any control over are the ones whose bodies we are breathing and walking in each day. There is no point in trying to control anyone else. There is no point in trying to control anyone else! 

It's why I can't involve myself in any discussion about gun control, abortion, gay marriage, immigration, religion, etc etc etc etttccccc. I have absolutely no right to tell anyone else what to do with their life, and the same goes for them. Any strong opinions that I have are biases that I've developed purely through personal observation and experience and should never be used to back up an argument with someone else on how to live. We cannot keep assuming what's best for ourselves is also best for everyone else. It's scarily obtuse and selfish to do so and it's sad to watch the country that I live in get so caught up in these things because they've got no idea how to step back.

Doesn't it seem like America is at that exact point in a lovers' quarrel where so many hurtful things have been said/done that everyone is off-balance so they just go totally apeshit out of sheer frustration? We've got no idea how to fix the messes we've made, but we keep digging deeper.

Enough.

I finished a huge freelance project last night - the project that is going to pay for my trip to Thailand and Bali later this year. Thursday night I left work knowing that I should work on it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it - instead I put David Crosby's 'If I Could Only Remember My Name' album on my record player and had a couple hilarious conversations with BV and Cindy. I went to bed feeling so content and lighthearted that I woke up totally ready to tackle the rest of the project, and so I did. It looks so good you guys; I can't wait to share it! I don't think I've ever felt so proud of a freelance project. And let me tell you.....waking up to a client email that says, "I think I just cried tears of joy" is THE BEST feeling a web designer can possibly have!

I'm also trying to sketch at least 3 or 4 times a week. I'm always in the mood to draw, so I might as well make use of it. I put most of them on Instagram, but they're sprinkled throughout this post just to break up my very wordy thoughts.

I love each and every one of you. Have I said that lately? It's the truth.

--

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The wallpaper (sein und zeit), the theory, the Baseman

I've been meaning to start doing this for a while but keep forgetting. Downloads! Desktop and iPhone!

"Sein Und Zeit" means "Being and Time." It's the title of a book by Martin Heidegger, who was a German philosopher. You can get the general idea of it here. It's aaalllllssssssooo the title of an X-Files episode (you know me...). Enjoy! Share and use as you like, just please link back to this post if you do.

Download Sein Und Zeit: Desktop or iPhone.

Saturday morning I met Kim at a cafe and we talked about Boy Meets World and Tamagotchis and small town upbringings and how things tend to fall into place when we're doing something we're meant to do, because other people are subconsciously drawn to authentic passion and excitement. And we drank Bloody Marys. A successful breakfast "meeting" if you ask me, especially since we had never met in person before (we started to talk through Instagram)! I left feeling inspired and ready to create something great, both for myself and for freelance clients.

my "theory"

I know I've written before about my theory that things fall into place when we trust our intuition and only do what feels right, but I feel the need to reiterate because so many new opportunities have come my way in the past couple months.

Just...never forget that if you put heart and excitement into something, it will come back to you. It's been proven to me again and again and again. It took a while for me to fall into a groove of something I truly love doing, but now that I'm there I'll never look back. I never thought I would have a career that lets me look at color palettes and fonts during day and draw things that people want to buy at night. It's all so exciting, even after doing it for a long time :)

I can't stop listening to the new Justin Timberlake album. Do you have any idea how rare it is for me to love not just a pop song, but an entire album? Reeeeeal rare, that's how rare. Also I don't know why it took him so long to get rid of that curly hair but he is about 100,000x more bangable than he ever was before.

Have you ever heard of Gary Baseman? He's an artist here in LA that I adore, and he's having a party at the Skirball (near the Getty) to kick off his exhibition there that runs through August. Here are some of my favorites:

(1, 2, 3)

Needless to say I'm REALLY excited for this show.

--

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The something sweet, the language of looooove

On VERY heavy rotation lately. All of em! It may be a little eclectic for some (Rilo Kiley and Tom Waits on the same playlist yeahhhh yeah), but it makes a ton of sense in my head. I'm especially fond of the Kurt Vile tracks; it's like the two of us were joined at the brain and heart for one single moment in time, and when we separated we were left with the same idea of what great music should sound like. 

01. Marathon (Tennis)
02. Sea Of Love (Cat Power)
03. I've Been Let Down (Mazzy Star)
04. Silver Lining (Rilo Kiley)
05. Silver Soul (Beach House)
06. Ballad Of The Golden Hour (Widowspeak)
07. Shine A Light (The Rolling Stones)
08. My Best Friends (Kurt Vile)
09. Ends Of The Earth (Lord Huron)
10. Don't Worry Baby (The Beach Boys)
11. In My Dreams (Crosby, Stills & Nash)
12. Gun Street Girl (Tom Waits)
13. Left Behind (Grace Potter & The Nocturnals)
14. The Ghost On The Shore (Lord Huron)
15. Classic Rock In Spring/Freeway In Mind (Kurt Vile)

Listen and subscribe here. I'm really relieved that the latest big Spotify update allows everyone to select who they follow! There was some serious clutter that needed to be taken care of in that feed.

Last week I took this test as a joke (the name alone is enough to make me gag), but it has surprisingly explained a bunch of shit about me that I haven't been able to sort through on my own. I scored extremely high on Words Of Affirmation (11), and extremely low on Acts Of Service (1). The rankings are representative of the kind of love we need/are most comfortable giving. Do you have aaaaany idea how accurate that is?! This awful self-help quiz with the terrible name is fucking spot on, you guys, lol.

I don't like people doing things for me. I don't like it at all. I live for the phrase "If you want something done right, do it yourself." I'm particular and controlling about my life, but I've earned the right to be because I do everything on my own. Other people's efforts to help me just end up feeling intrusive and annoying even though I know they have good intentions. The only way to truly earn my trust and respect is by paying attention to what I say/how I do things and replicating it when I DO need to count on someone. There have only been 6 people that have ever been able to do that (Morales, I'm lookin at you!).

Basically my results can be summed up with this: Communicate with me efficiently and effectively...and then leave me be.

It's why I'm awful when people try to teach me things (don't want advice, don't want people watching me, would rather learn it on my own at my own pace), it's why I'm a bitch when people question things that I do, and most importantly, it's why I get so frustrated and upset when I don't feel that I'm being listened to or understood.

I always thought that it was weird that I pay more attention to people's words than their actions. I never understood "actions speak louder than words" because it is not true for me. If I have an idea to express, I don't act it out, I put it in words. I pay very little attention to the way that I act. It's probably why I've remembered practically ALL of the criticism I've ever been given, and have made careful note to not do those things again (as batshit crazy as that is) - because even if the person that said it wasn't being all that serious...they got my attention. The ONLY way I learn from a mistake is if someone says something that makes me feel embarrassed. Otherwise, it's lather, rinse, repeat.

A couple years ago I made a list of the men that I've loved in hopes of discovering what my "type" was, because it seemed like no one that I had ever loved had anything in common. The 3 big ones only had one similarity on my list: "He just had a way of saying things."

I can love someone for many reasons, but it seems as though the only thing that can make me stay is incredible communication.

I had all of the above thoughts in about a 2 minute span after taking that quiz, and thought to myself, "well.........alright." Haha. THAT explains why my relationship failed. THAT explains why the men I love are all entirely different. THAT explains why I will happily ignore someone's poor actions if they paint a nice picture with their words. The moooore yooouuu knoooooow!

And on a final, totally unrelated note, the mehndi on my hand from the wedding is making me look diseased. Fading/flaky henna is not a good look.

Self discovery, you guys...

OH PS, WANNA SEE ME IN 6TH GRADE AND LAUGH A WHOLE LOT? Click here. No fucks given.

EDIT - WAIT....I downloaded the Tamagotchi app for my iPhone on Wednesday and it made me think of how I had 3 of them when I was little; I had a kitty GigaPet, a Tamagotchi, and a Nano Baby. The GigaPet was the first one I got, but I COULD NOT keep it alive. So I just Googled...and found that the entire internet had this same problem in 1997. Some genius girl put a youtube video up and kept hers alive for like 100 days and explained how to keep it healthy, and it blew my mind. AND HER PROFILE PIC IS DANA SCULLY. Apparently there are like thousands of me on the internet. We all have the same interests.

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The black, the non-black, the CONTEST

Hey everyone, ya know what's super cool about being a graphic designer that has so much inspiration shooting out of every hole that I just can't make up my mind about how I want anything to look, ever? I just end up with a closet full of black and a lot of white/black/gray designs. And a bedroom with a black wall*. Because it's easy. Because black goes with everything. Except that once you only have black, you don't have anything to pair with it except more black. And it's spring and it's almost April for Pete's sake and I'd really like to find some bright colors and patterns and textures to go with my black soul.

*Here's a peek at said wall (some color/greenery will be added to that area shortly, cause it needs it! I will NEVER get sick of the wall color though, it's perfect!) Apartment Therapy still has neither confirmed nor denied my acceptance into their bedroom thing, and I'm getting antsy because submissions ended on the 20th. It's fine either way, cause now I want to redo everything again already. CAUSE THIS IS WHAT I DO WITH MY WEEKENDS WHEN I DON'T GO OUT DRINKING.

Other than the beeeeige (when I type it like that I hear Ben Stein saying it in a very bored way, like this), it's not bad, yeah? I'd like to toss that dresser and lamp and get something nicer, but sometimes there just aren't enough funds to toss perfectly functional things, friends.

I've put together a little list of springy things. I should think about buying a couple of them. Starting with that scarf, because it's under $10.

Found: 01 / 02 / 03 / 04 / 05 / 06

LASTLY. I posted about this on my Facebook and also on 20sb in the forums, but I know I'll get the most feedback on it by going through this site so apologies if you've already read it twice now. I want to have a contest where people email me screenshots of their current blog that needs design help. I'll put them on my blog's facebook page in an album, everyone votes (friends can like the page and join in) and the winner gets a free redesign. Interested? If I can get at least 30 people that want in (which is a lot, but I gotta make sure that I'm guaranteed a decent amount of new Facebook fans/readers so the entire thing is worth the time it would take me to design a site for free on top of my standard workload, ya know?), I'll do it for sure.

Thoughts? Anyone interested?

That's all, I'm done with you. DONE WITH YOU. Go watch this video, it made me cry laughing.

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The Pierce Hill, the scarlet begonias, the empress

West Elm pinned one of my playlists (this guy) this morning, and it reminded me that I've been meaning to put together a playlist of the music I grew up with for months and I keep getting distracted by other genres and time points in my life. Here, take this. TAKE IT ALL. There should be more blues on it, but I've decided to make a separate playlist for that in the coming weeks.

It's longer than any of the other ones I've made (that's what she said) -

01. Creature Feature (Leo Kottke)
02. Doctor My Eyes (Jackson Browne)
03. Scarlet Begonias (Grateful Dead)
04. Further To Fly (Paul Simon)
05. Cajun Moon (JJ Cale)
06. Glamour Profession (Steely Dan)
07. A Horse With No Name (America)
08. Cowboy Movie (David Crosby)
09. Dancing In The Moonlight (King Harvest)
10. Wonderful World (Sam Cooke)
11. Black Friday (Steely Dan)
12. Give It Up Or Let Me Go (Bonnie Raitt)
13. Who Do You Tell It To (Rusted Root)
14. Night Parade (Robbie Robertson)
15. Ladder (Joan Osborne) - lyrics to this song are brilliant
16. Freight Train Boogie (Doc Watson)
17. Saja/Right On (Santana)
18. The Swimming Song (Loudon Wainwright III)
19. Under The Falling Sky (Bonnie Raitt) - best song to sing in the shower, hands down
20. Revival (Allman Brothers Band)
21. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm (Crash Test Dummies)
22. Kind Of A Drag (The Buckinghams)
23. The Credits: Out-takes from Terry's Movie (Leo Kottke)

They're all songs that I grew up with, in my treehouse on the hill. Listen and subscribe here.

A girl I follow on Tumblr read my Tarot Cards today via internet (tee hee) and my card was The Empress. It's apparently a very good card to receive for the question that I asked. Which will remain top secret. I'll take it as another reason to smile about life.

My landlord just gave us the go-ahead to paint, so I'm givin' myself a charcoal gray wall in my bedroom this weekend! Gonna look pretty fabulous with that fancy repurposed headboard, and then I think I'll finally be satisfied enough to submit it to Apartment Therapy.

I'm sketching and painting A LOT lately. Feels good to have won my visual inspiration back; I think it's because the website I spent the past month making at work is finally finished (altogether there are 80 mockups...20 each for full, tablet landscape, tablet portrait, and mobile) so I can breathe and move onto other things. Thank the lawwwwddd. I'm also picking up a ton of large-scale freelance work, which is fabulous since I have a passport and a flight to Thailand to buy and thousands of dollars worth of debt that's just hangin out!

Basically I'm going to be going design-crazy in all forms for the next 3 months. This means I'll be consuming more caffeine than usual (terrifying), so if you see me zip by you in the midst of a ragestorm or panic attack just ignore me.

A sketch, just for you. It's not a pregnancy announcement, shut up Franklinville

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Interior Design Wannabe: Chapter 04

I saw this today and instantly started planning on selling everything in my bedroom so that I can cut down on stuff. I don't have a lot of stuff; I LOATHE clutter, buttttttt I still have more than I need. Ideally I'd cut way back on little things in order to afford one or two bigger things. I struggle with the lack of natural light in my apartment, so maybe having very little in my room will help make it feel lighter and more breathable.

Image found here

This means my wishlist looks a little something like this:

1. Pebble side table

2. Benjamin Moore chalkboard paint

3. Faceted Ceramic Side Table

4. Fresh flowers to liven it up a bit. But they've gotta be the same; eclectic bouquets make me gag!

5. Black Stepladder (Except this one is stupid expensive. But I like the way it looks)

6. Mongolian Lamb pillow cover

Also what IS that bedding made of? Velvet? Fur? I don't think I'd want a velvet comforter. Looks great in the picture. Will NOT look great after one night of sleep with one black kitty and one white kitty *shudder*

I am mad at my fucking beige apartment walls. I need WHITE. White. Painting is so easy that I should stop bitching and get it over with, but I need to wait until it's a bit warmer in LA so my windows can stay open.  Does anyone wanna help me paint my entire apartment? I could do my bedroom myself, but the whole apartment is quite a task. I'll cook buy food and make drinks that are heavy on the bourbon and sing to you, and I might even stand on my coffee table and dance for you, if that's what you're into. But you have to be OK with Pop Lock and Drop it. And we have to actually paint and not just get drunk and distracted. And you can't paint like an idiot. Oh no...I have so many rules. No one's gonna wanna help me :( I'm sorry everyone. 

I was just telling a coworker about this yesterday. I had a hard time playing in kindergarten because I had rules. I just wanted the right furniture to go in the right rooms of the dollhouse, ya know? I'm a neurotic fucking freakshow HELLO

I was going to put this playlist up on Designers.MX because they're all songs that I've been working to lately, but then I realized that most of them are already on someone else's playlist, and HANNA AIN'T NO COPYCAT so I'll just keep them grounded here on my blog and share them with you. It's similar to Je Fleuris from this post, which 23 of you subscribed to, so if you're looking for more of that style, it's all yours. xo

01. Beast In Air, Beast In Water (Snowmine)
02. Useful Chamber (Dirty Projectors)
03. So Many Details (Toro Y Moi)
04. The Suburbs (Mr Little Jeans)
05. Kaleidoscope (Geographer)
06. Prelude - Lapalux's Finger On The Tap (Bonobos)
07. Sparkly (Young Magic)
08. Rose Quartz (Toro Y Moi)
09. The Big Idea (Black Books)
10. Superheroes (Esthero)

Listen and subscribe here.

PS the font I used for the playlist cover is called Questrial and is freeeee. Look at that Q, it's pretty!

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Playlist 12: Slightly Ambivalent

I've given up trying to explain my taste in music to people and most people have given up trying to predict what I'll like (I usually fucking hate everything people try to get me to listen to...but I think that's just because I'm an awful person). Here's a playlist with a ton of eclectic shit on it that I tried to organize as well as I could. Everyone will probably only like one half of it. I'm not even going to bother putting this one up on Designers.MX because I'm sure I'd just get a ton of comments on it that are like, "This makes no sense, I don't get it" and blahhhh blah. What the fuck is there to get? It's a playlist. But I digress.

Side 01:

01. Dream A Little Dream Of Me (The Mamas & The Papas)

02. The Sweetest Thing (Camera Obscura)

03. Postcards From Italy (Beirut)

04. Green Aisles (Real Estate)

05. Never Going Back Again (Fleetwood Mac)

06. Venus As A Boy (Bjork)

07. White Sail (Cowboy Junkies)

08. My Maudlin Career (Camera Obscura)

09. Phoenix Wind (Yeasayer)

10. Vegas (Tennis)

Side 02:

01. Red Right Hand (Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds)

02. 777 (Danzig)

03. One Chance (Dananananaykroyd)

04. Lightsabre Cocksucking Blues (Mclusky) ...I might only like this song for the name

05. We're Desperate (X)

06. Godless (Danzig)

07. Violet (Hole)

08. Sex And Dying In High Society (X)

09. Screenwriters Blues (Soul Coughing) I'm not a lyrics person, but I LOVE the lyrics to this song

Listen and subscribe here, if you can make sense of this one ;)

I am going to Los Angeles to build a screenplay

about lovers who murder each other

I am going to Los Angeles to see my own name

on a screen, five feet long and luminous

as the radioman says, it is 5am

and the sun has charred the other side of the world and come back to us

and painted the smoke over our heads an imperial violet

it is 5am and you are listening to Los Angeles

A little bitta everything

I typed "A little bitta" and immediately started singing Mambo No. 5 in my head (which has been there for hours now and I don't know whyyyy haaaaalp).

If you know me at all, you know how much I obsess over Bri Emery's huuuge blog, DesignLoveFest. This girl is EVERYWHERE, and she's so inspiring. So you can imagine the total fucking FREAKOUT I had yesterday morning when I wandered over to her site and saw one of my own designs up for download! Here's the post if you wanna see it and download the wallpaper that I made. It was originally a background that I designed for my work computer to remind myself to breathe (that's what the braille says), but I wanted to share it with everyone, and Bri sure helped make that happen!

Yesterday was one of the most satisfying days I've had in so long. Sometimes I wonder how life always seems to come together for me in such a non-traditional but wonderful fashion, but I think I'm starting to understand just how much I actually make that happen for myself. I don't feel like I'm working that hard because I love what I do SO MUCH, but the effort's there. I dunno how I got here other than good luck and even better timing, but it blows my mind that I can love something so much that I can work at it almost every waking hour and still want more.

(And since I am often the girl who walks away from "good" things, it gives me hope that when I find non-career related things that are truly right as well,  I'll always crave more from them, too. It's vague, but it makes sense to me.)

Allow me to geek out for a moment. There's an episode of the X-Files called "All Things" where this conversation takes place:

Scully: What if there was only one choice and all the other ones were wrong? And there were signs along the way to pay attention to.
Mulder: Mmm. Then all the... choices would then lead to this very moment. One wrong turn, and... we wouldn't be sitting here together. 

Those 2 lines sum up everything. I've always just done whatever felt right, and it magically worked. I'm very lucky.

I've had about 5 different versions of this playlist simmering on Spotify over the last 2 weeks but couldn't seem to get the right flow - I think I found it today! God I hope my French is correct. If it's not, please tell me ASAP so I can re-upload the cover here AND on designers.MX hahaha

01. Long Slow Dance (The Fresh & Onlys)
02. Where I'm Going (Cut Copy)
03. Don't Move (Phantogram)
04. Come See About Me (The Supremes)
05. I Can Get Love (Toro Y Moi)
06. Polish Girl (Neon Indian) this song is so veeeery overdone but I still love it
07. Jerome (Lykke Li)
08. Birds of Paradise (Pretenders)
09. It's Real (Real Estate)
10. I'm Good, I'm Gone - Black Kids Remix (Lykke Li)
11. Chinatown (Destroyer)
12. Ophelia (Minks)
13. Desire (18 Carat Affair)

Listen and subscribe here.

AND!! I can't leave without mentioning this:

Between the comments on my last post and Cassie's post, the tweets, the 20sb discussion, and my friends' reponses, I'd say the beginnings of this little Introvert Revolution were a big fat SUCCESS. So many people have already responded to tell us that they loved the idea and are going to write about it, or just thanked us for the posts that we wrote. I am especially happy about the comments that I received from people that aren't introverted; trust me, extroverted (turns out, "extraverted" and "extroverted" are BOTH correct) people taking the time to read through what we had to say and really thinking about it means more than you will ever know!

Don't forget - if you write about it, send Cassie or myself a link so that we can read along and put a link to it on our pages!

Love ALL of you. Really.

Introverted Sonofabitch

If you're a fan of my Facebook page (FYI if you're not a fan you're pissing me off right now), you know that last week I posted something about how Cassie from Witty Title Here and I made something awesome, and that you'd probably find out about it this week. Well here it is, my loves! We teamed up to create a little somethin' that you can put on your own blog and a way to spread the news that introverts are not, in fact, a bunch of lonely freaks.

I was raised on a dirt road in the middle of the nowhere with no neighbors and no brothers and sisters. My parents are introverts. I had very few friends until I got to Jr. High, and I had a terrible time trying to fit in when I was growing up. I always preferred to sit on the sidelines and observe rather than immediately join in. Most would say I was "set up" for being introverted.

BUT (and this is a very big but):

The difference between being an introvert and being shy/quiet is that I would've turned out this way no matter where or how I was raised. Introversion is an actual sensitivity to dopamine due to different dominant neuro-pathways. We are not raised to be introverted, just as we are not raised to be gay or straight or mentally disabled or musical prodigies. We are born with it, and it is part of us no matter how much we do or do not nurture it. We cannot fix it, nor is it something that should need fixing to begin with.

Until about a year ago, I paid no attention to the fact that introversion was my most defining trait. I wondered why I constantly felt like I wasn't getting what I wanted from the people in my life even though I knew that I loved them and that they were good people.

This article was the first thing I found (I believe it was Evi that shared it, so thank you!) that made me pay attention because I finally felt understood. Those last 2 lines especially were a game changer, because that's what I seemed to struggle with most. Carl King also wrote an amazing post about this that's worth a read! The reason Cassie and I put this together is because we want to celebrate the fact that we are introspective, observant, reserved people. We notice things that others may not. We take our time and only say the things that we know will make a difference. We recharge when - and only when - we are by ourselves. And we don't want anyone else to feel guilty or wrong for having trouble with what our very extraverted society believes to be "normal."

So here’s where you come in. If you’re an introvert, and you feel as though you’ve been misperceived as shy/slow/weird/irrelevant because of who you are, we invite you to put one of these badass badges (Go here for the downloads and more info!) on your blog and write a post based on the following prompt: Just because I'm introverted, it doesn't mean...

Here are mine:

It doesn't mean I'm shy.
I have no shortage of opinions or things to say. EVER. I am loud and obnoxious and feisty, but only for certain people. Introverts are usually extremely picky about who they open up to: not just in love, but in casual conversation. It takes a while to decide if I want to subject someone to all my nonsense. And I can tell you with absolute certainty: when someones tries to draw it out of me, it usually doesn't work.

It doesn't mean I can still function like an extravert.
This is especially true at work. At my first job, I used to get put on the spot often. "Just throw some ideas at me," is a phrase that makes me panic. It's not how my mind works, and it doesn't help me produce results. Instead, it makes me retreat and feel inadequate because I can't spit out ideas like other people can. What I need in order to do my best work is to stand back and observe for a while. I may not have a lot to say while everyone brainstorms out loud as a team, but I promise that I am paying very close attention. When I feel that I've come up with a quality idea, I'll share it and work very hard to see it come to life. But I can almost guarantee that the great ideas won't come to me until I'm left alone.

It's also true in relationships. It's hard for introverts and extraverts to be together. The extravert will likely feel a bit neglected, and the introvert will likely feel a bit overwhelmed. It's perfectly acceptable for a date to want to take me out and introduce me to all his friends, and I'd love to do that to show him that I'm interested in his life - but the thought of it makes me shudder because it's just too much stimulation at one time. A balance and an understanding of this has to be reached for a relationship to survive.

It doesn't mean I'm a bitch!
Trust me, me being a bitch is an entirely separate issue ;) When I was growing up I was branded as a bitch because I sat back and watched my classmates before I joined in. If I didn't feel comfortable joining in, I wouldn't, and there was not a damn thing anyone could do about it. That doesn't go over well in school!

We hope you’ll join in and spread the love with this idea! And when you do, send me a link to your post so I can check you out (wink). I'll make sure to post each link on the downloads page!

Once again - the link to the downloads page.

Introverts UNITE (Individually!)

Interior Design Wannabe: Chapter 02

My legs felt restless all day. All I could think about was leaving work and running - it's been a week since I did that and my muscles miss it. DID NOT HAPPEN DID NOT HAPPEN LALALA. I took a quick trip to Petco because GODDAMNIT I am a great kitty owner, and by the time I got back to my apartment it was blowing me all over the sidewalk. If it had blown any harder (it might be called your mom heyoooo!) I would have toppled over and everything in my bag would've rolled all over the street like I was in some sort of stupid movie. And that's exactly when my "soulmate" would show up and brush the lone windblown piece of hair out of my face. BV, WHERE ARE YOUUUUU I DID NOT SEE YOU...

You guys, every morning I wake up really excited to go to work. Can you say things like that about your life? I sincerely hope that you can. I teeter totter about it sometimes, but it seems like for the past couple months I've been so happy to get to work and see everyone. I have really amazing coworkers. Really, really amazing coworkers.

I painted a dream I had a while ago that I refuse to go into detail about because sometimes secrets are fun. The painting makes it look like I had a lesbian dream, but that's not what happened. I bet if I didn't clarify, that's what you'd assume. I'm also pissed off at Ikea because they seem to be sold out of everything that doesn't suck. I just want another white PS cabinet to line up with the one I already have so I have one long shelf for my TV and the turntable that I will eventually remember to buy and some other thangs... Since they didn't have it I consoled myself with a vase and some flowers. And I also picked up a carved antler on Etsy that I thought was ridiculously beautiful.

Behold!

Other new additions: a fox knob that I got at Anthropologie to make this Ikea Hemnes nightstand more interesting and less Ikea-y, the John Lennon Letters book I bought at JFK to make our flight home more enjoyable for my whiny stuck-in-the-middle-seat ass, and I fiiiinally framed the setlist that Grace Potter & the band signed for me the first time I ever saw them play live back in 2007 :)

I can't stop loving live Tom Waits. I'm not usually a live music person (unless I'm actually at a show experiencing it for myself) but he will always be an exception.

What the fuck did I just write? All over the place. Just like my brain lately, good lawwwd.

PS...I love you.

Milk

I spent the weekend in NYC, upstate along the Hudson River, and in Philadelphia. That'll be in the next post, but for now, enjoy these little songs that make my life complete.

(Drink them in and they will help you grow) Listen below!

eat dance work love breathe stretch shake

Redesign complete! HELLO :)

Every time I take a little vacation or am presented with a rare weekend where I don't work at all, I think to myself, "I am really dreading going back to work," because, of course, it's awfully nice to sleep in until 11 and stay up until 3am drinking wine and laughing with beautiful people. The magical thing I've noticed is that once I DO sit down in front of a computer, there is a little switch that's flicked inside of me that turns off all laziness and dread and turns on an almost psychotic motivation. Sometimes I go to bed wondering if I've even blinked. I am, after all, an incomplete blinker...

(I have a diagnosed staring problem, teeheeeee)

I work hard. It's not that being a designer is difficult - it's certainly not - but when my work is also a hobby, lines get blurred and eventually I end up feeling like I never actually stop working. Before I started designing I felt like I couldn't relate to anyone that worked long hours or weekends, but I get it now. It's easy when you're in love with what you do :) The realization that I've made good decisions with my life tastes awfully sweet.

BV and I saw Cirque du Soleil Iris over the weekend. SO GOOD. It was like watching Moulin Rouge (the movie Ian, lol) happen 5 feet away from me. It made me want to take a trapeze class, which we all know will never actually happen. I just want it to happen in my head. On Sunday morning I dragged him to a Buffalo Bills Backers bar in Santa Monica to watch them destroy the Chiefs among tons of great Buffalonians that I should probably befriend. My boyfriend is from Kansas and is a Chiefs fan. See what a good boyfriend he is?

(does not understand how photo booths work = consistent awkward smile BAHAHAHA)

This isn't even what I wanted to post about, but I'll let it slide because it's bedtime. Some of us only got 4 hours of sleep last night. My bed is soooo comfy and soft and is using a pretty voice to call my name. Haaaaaaannna, Haaaaaannnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Interior Designer Wannabe: Chapter 01

Since I'm still nowhere near done with my apartment but have had these pictures ready to post for a while, I guess I might as well share them! If I had a better budget for this stuff (meaning if I didn't spend so much money on going out to eat and buying art that I have no place for) I would be able to do so much more...SIGH. It's coming along nicely though! Living room is next, and it will be TRANSFORMING because I hate it right now.

What are your thoughts on dark gray walls? I drool over them on Pinterest and I think it would look amazing in my room. I'm contemplating.

I reflect poorly on you

Everyone (usually) likes 90s alternative, right? I don't really care whether you do or not, here's a playlist, and I reallyreallyreally enjoyed making it.

At what point do you think people are "faking it" in their personal transformations? I know someone who used to be a total trainwreck (more than one person actually, now that I think about it) that has apparently transformed their life. Do I believe it or do I not? I'd like to think that people can completely change, but IIIIIII don't know....

Anyway, back to this playlist. It's a good one, loves.

01. Plump (Hole)
02. Batwing (Meat Puppets)
03. Sex And Candy (Marcy Playground)
04. Venus Man Trap (Veruca Salt)
05. I Alone (Live)
06. Dive (Nirvana)
07. Hey Jealousy (Gin Blossoms)
08. Love You Madly (Cake)
09. I Come From The Water (Toadies)
10. Swamp Song (Blur)
11. Do You Love Me Now? (Breeders)

Listen and subscribe here.

i'm a free man

My brain simply does not know where to go or what to think about next. I made a playlist because I felt like using these colors, and I've been listening to a lot of Grateful Dead and Nick Drake lately. But doesn't that Etta James song just grab your heart and twist it? I LOVE IT. Her voice makes me emotional haha.

A playlist for the fireflies

01. Cumberland Blues (Grateful Dead)
02. Free Man In Paris (Joni Mitchell)
03. I Wish Someone Would Care (Etta James)
04. Pink Moon (Nick Drake)
05. Nadine (Fools Gold)
06. Place To Be (Nick Drake)
07. It All Feels The Same (Tennis)
08. Porcelain (Better Than Ezra)
09. Fire On The Mountain (Grateful Dead)
10. Fatboy/Fat/Requiem (Meat Puppets)
11. Things Behind The Sun (Nick Drake)

Listen and subscribe here.

PS making Spotify playlists is so frustrating when half of the songs you listen to aren't on it!

Délirant

May will always my favorite. All seasons are easy to handle here in LA, but there's still a little extra something to appreciate about the month of May. Everything feels refreshing :)

I've been looking deep into time that's flown by lately. Everything after 6th grade has gone by quickly, sometimes so quickly that I feel like it didn't even happen at all. The only things I really pull from years past are songs and seemingly insignificant memories. I don't care about things that I did, I care about songs I heard when I was sitting on my parent's floor on a rainy day in July. That's what I remember because those are the things that have seemed to shape me more than other experiences. I remember feelings and sounds very clearly from almost any point in my life, and I can't say the same for other types of perception.

All this sci-fi talk from my last post (and a Facebook status about it too) has rekindled my love affair with the "trust no one" attitude. A friend suggested a book on Area 51 and though I'm not really the type to geek out about the government or aliens or anything like that (just relevant TV shows lol) I ordered it from Amazon and am excited to read it. Plus, it's been a while since I've read a good book. In fact, it's been since Christmas, when BV got me Sport by Louise Fitzhugh: book 3 in the little series about Harriet The Spy. He knows me so well...

I made this playlist. This stuff has been ON REPEAT lately. I don't mean a few plays a day, I mean I won't listen to anything else, and it plays all day long. I never do that!  It's a really good playlist, kids. Give it a listen.

01. Pictures Of You (The Cure)
02. Backslider (Toadies)
03. All Over You (Live)
04. Gypsies, Tramps, And Thieves (Cher) (I KNOW, SHUT UP)
05. One More Murder (Better Than Ezra)
06. Don't You Worry (Jim Noir)
07. Asking For It (Hole)
08. Man In The Long Black Coat (Joan Osborne)
09. Anemone (The Brian Jonestown Massacre)
10. Star Me Kitten (REM ft. William S Burroughs)
11. Out To Get You (James)

Listen and subscribe here.

Juicy

Springtime and I were made for each other. I feel amazing! I've been extra inspired lately, but I want to do so many things that I don't know where to start. Do any of you ever feel that way about creative inspiration? It's quite similar to being so excited that you can't sleep, haha. I did make my facebook page a little bit snazzier last night. It's still not what I want but it's better than what it was! Upward and onward. Maybe someday I'll have a single cohesive design thought instead of ALWAYS being so scattered and overly full of ideas. If that's my biggest problem, I think I'm in a good place :)

Those steroid drops that I've been using on my eyes are a miracle. I wish I could show you how my inner eyelids used to look compared to how they look/feel now, but I don't have any pictures. Plus it's gross. Not to me, but maybe to someone else?

I was debating in my last post whether to make a playlist of acoustic-y stuff or one that sounded like color. These songs all sound like specific colors to me. Here is some slightly inaccurate information about synaesthesia (and if ya don't knoooow, now ya know)

01. Hairy Trees (Goldfrapp)
02. What Would I Want? Sky (Animal Collective)
03. Wild Mountain Honey (Steve Miller Band)
04. Eli (Caribou)
05. I Would Do Anything For You (Foster The People)
06. Elenore (The Turtles)
07. Funnel Of Love (Wanda Jackson)
08. Sometimes (Erykah Badu)
09. Blessa (Toro Y Moi)
10. Secretly (Skunk Anansie)
11. Belong (Washed Out)
12. Originality ft. Sister Nancy (Thievery Corporation)
13. Origins (Tennis)
14. Feel It All Around (Washed Out)

Listen here. Subscribe too, if you're into that sorta thing.

Stay Another Season

You guys. I went to an eye doctor yesterday who basically told me I'm broken.

1. The inside of my eyelids are inflamed.
2. 90% of the oil glands that line my lower eyelids are not functional.
3. I am an incomplete blinker.
4. In a matter of years I will be contact lens intolerant.

So. I'm putting steroid drops in my eyes, cutting back on caffeine, drinking triple the amount of water, taking 2000mg of fish oil, only wearing contacts when necessary, taking breaks from staring at my computer screen, blinking slowly and completely, and wearing daily contacts with a weaker prescription instead of bi-weeklies. All at this Dr's request. Hopefully I have happier eyes because of it! We talked about LASIK down the road once the dryness is taken care of. I think that will have to happen, because I do NOT want these problems for the rest of my life. I can't even imagine waking up in the morning and just...seeing clearly.

Apartment pictures are going to take a bit longer. I'm not satisfied with my own bedroom and need a few other things for the living room. ALSO, my computer completely and totally died over the weekend and it will be a couple months until I can afford my iMac. I'm thankful for a work computer and an awesome roommate that's willing to let me use his laptop when I need to.

LASIK surgery and an iMac....hahaha what a very affordable grocery list I have right now ;) I also have a running Etsy list of things that I want to make my bedroom look the way I want it to. Maybe in 5 years I'll have it all?

I've been listening to this playlist. It's just a little guy, but I'd like to think it's quality over quantity :)

01. My Girl (The Temptations)
02. Since I Left You (The Avalanches)
03. If Looks Could Kill (Camera Obscura)
04. You Keep Me Hangin' On (The Supremes)
05. A Different Feeling (The Avalanches)
06. Please Mr. Postman (The Marvelettes)
07. Uptight (Stevie Wonder)
08. You Can't Hurry Love (The Supremes)
09. ETOH (The Avalanches)
10. Going Out (Supergrass)
11. Here's What's Left (RJD2)

Listen and subscribe here.

Are my eyes the coldest blue? You said once this was true
And if it is I don't know what I'll do
Cause I'm stuck with them, and they're stuck on you

Magnolia, you sweet thing

There's a lyric in a Wilco song that says, "springtime yawning high in the haze" and I always loved that. There's also a JJ Cale song called Magnolia that I always loved too. Neither of those songs are on this playlist, but these songs give off a similar vibe.

Track Listing

01. Redwalls - You'll Never Know

02. Simon & Garfunkel - Why Don't You Write Me (live)

03. The Bubbles - Late Long Night

04. Young Rascals - Good Lovin'

05. Say Hi To Your Mom - Laundry

06. Beach House - Silver Soul

07. Cave Singers - Beach House

08. Futurebirds - Dirty D

09. Johnny Cash - Big River

10. Dr. Dog - The Breeze

11. Otis Rush - All Your Love

12. Stereophonics - I Miss You Now

13. Bon Iver - Beach Baby

Listen to it here and subscribe to it if you like. <3

oh little one, your hemingway jawline looks just like his

Have you ever really taken the time to think that your best day is someone else's worst and vice versa? But there are some days when everything seems to be confusing to everyone no matter who you talk to. 

I told Brady once that the entire Earth is just a landfill for human experiments, whether they were successful or not. The more I think about that, the more it freaks me out that any of us exist at all, not to mention the weird things we've created to make our lives easier or all these weird ideas we've developed about how life "should" be lived. And sometimes I take the elevator down one more level and wonder if any of it even exists to begin with or if we're all just here to represent a split-second in a dream that the universe is having . Maybe we are in the brain as we speak and we're all just a bunch of molecules (we ARE just a bunch of molecules).

Feelings are strange. It's strange that we, being cooked up from such simple ingredients, do things like move across the country because we "feel" like it's the right thing to do or "feel" like we love someone or "feel" pain when someone pinches us. 

wefeelfine.org is a site that crawls blogs looking for users that type "i feel" or "i'm feeling" and pulls those sentences and various other information and puts it into a little image post on their own site. Something of mine is on there but I've yet to find it. Here are some of my favorites: